Bless Me Father, I Have Sinned...

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sixpence
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Bless Me Father, I Have Sinned...

Post by sixpence »

" I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is.
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration.
"You're a steadfast lad,Tommy Shaughnessy,and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three full months. Be off with you "
now!"
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over to his seat and whispers "well... what'd you get?"
"Three months vacation and five good leads."
I blame it on old age

terryvanman
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Re: Bless Me Father, I Have Sinned...

Post by terryvanman »

HUSBANDS AND WIVES AVOCADOS¦

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me
and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The
wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men
will get it the first time.

My work is done here.



WATER IN THE CARBURETOR...

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.

Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool".


STATISTIC¦

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated...


THE PHONE¦

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other
end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wall-Mart?"


HE MUST PAY...

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with
you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.



TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE...

From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."

Then he made the earth round... and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
Dear God,
Please send clothes for all those poor ladies
in Daddy's computer. Amen

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