A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any legs or feet.

The guy says out loud; “Wow, I wonder what happened to this parrot?”

The parrot says “I was born this way. I'm a disabled parrot.”

“Holy crap,” the guy replies, “you understood and answered me!”

“I got every word,” says the parrot, “I happen to be a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird.”

“Oh yeah?” the guy asked. “Then answer this; how do you hang on to your perch without any feet?”

“Well,” the parrot answers, “this is very embarrassing, but since you ask, I wrap my penis around the wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it because of my feathers.”

“Wow,” says the guy, “you really can understand and can speak English, can't you?

“Actually, I speak English, Spanish, French and German, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic;
politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology, You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.”

The guy looks at the £200 price tag. “Sorry, but I just can't afford that.”

“Psssssst,” whispers the parrot, “I'm disabled, so the truth is, nobody wants me because I don't have any feet.
You can probably get me for £20, just make the guy an offer!”

The guy pays £20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great conversationalist,
he's a great friend, he understands everything, he sympathises, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes “Pssssssstt” and motions him over with one wing.
“I don't know how to tell you this,but it's about your wife and the milkman.”

“What are you talking about?” asks the guy.

“When the milkman delivered the milk today, your wife answered the door in a sheer black nightie.”

“WHAT???” the guy asks incredulously.

“THEN what happened?”

“Well, the milkman came into the house and lifted her nightie and started petting her all over,” reported the parrot.

“NO!” he exclaims, “and she let him?”

“Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.”

The frantic guy demands “THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”

“Dunno, got a hard on, and fell of my perch!”

Brilliant!

I think I just wet myself