+5

alien walks into a bar.
landlord: "are you an alien
alien: "I am yeah...why?"
landlord: "well you're the first we've ever had in here"
alien: "Seriously??"
landlord: "yeah deffo"
alien: "RIGHT!! I'm gettin the fuckin drinks in! ... everyone!... what ever they're having is on me"
Landlord can't believe his luck and is serving for a 45minutes, rubbing his hands he comes back to the alien at the bar.
landlord: "Right thats two hundred and seventy six pounds forty six pence please"
alien: "ya got change of a blib-blob?"

A man walks to a petrol station late at night and asks the lady behind the window, "Can I please have a KitKat chunky?"

As the lady brings him back a KitKat Chunky he says, "No, I want a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

Four Jewish ladies meet after 30 years at their High School Reunion. One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.

No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet.

No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he built his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about. They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son. She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.


The other three said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful. "Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good. “Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from three of his boyfriends..." .

The other three fainted .... (This joke won an award for the Best Joke in *a competition held in Britain.)