Anger Management.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it. Dial 141 first.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'Hi, this is Stephen. Could I please speak with Alice Muxley?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number, you f***ing pri*k!' And the phone was slammed down on me.

When I tracked down Alice's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an a-hole!' and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'a-hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an a-hole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was promoted, I thought my therapeutic 'a-hole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with Caller ID?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an a-hole!' and hung up.

One day I was at the supermarket, getting ready to pull into a parking space.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I tapped the horn and told him that I'd been waiting for that spot, 'F*** off!' he said as he walked off.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a-hole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a-hole, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 325 Upper Brownhill Road, the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?'

He said, 'My name is Clive Peters.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Clive?'

He said, 'Anytime after 10am.'

I said, 'Listen, Clive, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Clive, you're an a-hole!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a-holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called a-hole #1.

He said, 'Hello'

I said, 'You're an a-hole!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah!'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me'

I said, 'Make me.'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Clive Peters.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'A-hole, I live at 325 Upper Brownhill Road and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Clive. And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a-hole,' and hung up.

Then I called A-hole #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, a-hole,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your f***ing butt!'

I answered, 'Well, a-hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 325 Upper Brownhill Road to kill my unfaithful gay lover…

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Upper Brownhill Road…

I got there just in time to watch two a-holes beating the crap out of each other in front of three police cars…

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

LOL

Did this really happen? If so hillarious! If not, still a good joke

When we had a new phone system installed way back a couple of decades ago, I found a good trick.

1. Watch for when one colleague is on the phone and another leaves the room briefly.
2. using the absent colleague's phone, dial the engaged colleague.
3. engage automated call-back.
4. replace the phone on the hook.
5. wait.

If you got the timing right, the absent colleague returns before the other's phone conversation is over.

When they put the phone down the system rings the now free phone. When they pick up, the phone belonging to the now returned colleague rings. A confused conversation ensures.

Well, it amused me.