Make of this what you will, It has had an adverse effect on my attitude towards the police.

A couple of weeks before Xmas, my much maligned WK GTR 300 was stolen.
I live in an apartment block perched high atop the once lovely town of Torquay, Built beneath the apartments is a quite secure parking area with locked gates etc. It seems no matter how good the security appears to be, it only needs one bad egg to spoil it, anyway I digress.
At about 3.00 am I heard a noise, (SWMBO insists on the bedroom window remains open, no matter the weather), I went to investigate, closely followed by SWMBO, I found the gates open, there was two lovely chaps there, hoods, balaclava's, you know the type, one sat on a residents mobility scooter, the other, busy pouring engine oil all over the floor. On seeing me, they bolted, away from me through the fire exit on the other side of the building.
The police arrived within a few minutes, apparently they had been creating havoc, damaging cars, getting into a B&B, generally damaging things, along two roads leading up to here. There was a couple of police cars and a dog unit involved, after speaking to them, I looked around, and found they had looked under the covers of six motorcycles, two of which were mine, but left them alone, broke the ignition switch of my grand daughters Italjet Velocifero, smashed the front panels and ragged the wiring of two mobility scooters,(no batteries fitted), chucked a gallon of petrol over a car, and poured engine oil all over the floor, and my scooter was missing.
While I surveyed the damage, the police returned, telling me they had got them, and found my scooter.
The two scrotes were 13 YEARS OLD!!
The scooter was apparently just along the road, and just left at the top of the tallest set of steps 60 of them, poised for a launch I recon when they had finished off in the garage.
The damage done to the scoot was, the front panel had been unscrewed off and left in the garage, ignition switch wiring cut and mullered, the cubby lid hinges broken, the belly pan scuffed on one side, side panel also scuffed, where it was 'parked' on it's side, the transmission plastic cover bashed where it had been kicked due to inability to start, (no battery or fuel), not too bad considering.

This is where it takes a turn for the worse.

The policeman in charge, asked if the bike could be taken away for forensic exam so it can be linked with them, foolishly , I agreed. and that seemed to be that, let the system roll. How naive was I.
Two weeks later, not a peep. I rang 101 for an update, I wanted the bike back, someone will be in touch was the reply, they didn't.
Monday the following week, I made another call, same outcome.
Friday, I went to the police station, and was told the officer in charge was on three weeks holiday, fair enough I thought, the sargeant will contact you, he didn't.
Monday, went to the police station again, they were a little bit hostile saying to give them a chance etc.
Friday, this is when I burnt with angst, a letter arrived, signed for, from the recovery company regarding abandoned scooter recovery, £195 recovery, £11 daily fee, get it picked up asap or else.
I rang them immediately, apologising first to the girl on the other end if I appeared to be a bit snappy, then I recounted the story to her. We only have it as abandoned, she said, definitely not dry stored for forensics, I'll make some calls, call me at lunch time tomorrow I'll have some answers she said.
Straight to the police station... I told the girl behind the counter I was not happy, showed her the letter, she scuttled off for a bit, came back all apologetic and the sarge will give me a ring.
Can you imagine my reaction?
I explained in no uncertain terms how unhappy I was, I asked the girl behind the counter to tell the 'Sarge' to grow a pair and stop hiding behind girls and speak to me, I have had my scooter stolen twice now and want it returned, tell him to call me before end of play or I'm having a ride to Exeter to explain carefully just how impressed with you lot I am. I didn't get arrested, no one came out to see me.
I impressed myself how calm I kept.
I got a call at 16.00 that afternoon.
It was the sargeant, full of apologies,(smelled of cattle), his story was, the officer in charge was not on holiday, he had actually emigrated to Austrailia and the paperwork is in a mess with nothing mentioned about the scooter, paperwork missing etc. I took his name and number and demanded action.
Next day, I rang the recovery company, the girl said she was about to call me, the bike is loaded and ready to set off, I just needed to know if you was in to receive it.
When it arrived, all panels are scratched, now scuffed on the other side, both mirrors broken, absolutely filthy, obviously left outside in the rainstorms we have had, plus, the dopey driver had put a strap over the seat, scuffing it.

As for the mobility scooters, both are written off, one belongs to an 87 year old lady, the other a 97 year old gent.

As to whatever is going on with the two feral kids, I have heard nothing.

A tragic tale, but sadly not untypical.

Well, I've taken a deep breath, girded my loins etc.(whatever that means), got the big chains out, and pondering the security problem.
Looking around, it seems there is only passive devices available, big chains, ground anchors, et al. Cordless angle grinders will sort all this stuff out very quickly, I recon a more pro-active device of some sort is needed, but we must be careful not to damage the little poppets when they stick their pudgy little fingers on our property, electrocution and fire is out, not to mention if we forget to turn it off!
Alarms are ignored due to false alarms, I think it is high time to get many heads together and come up with a solution, no matter how mad and hare brained ideas, I'm sure something can be refined that will work without killing anyone.
Example, on a forum i was on years ago, a very clever boffin chap developed a motion sensor driven paint ball machine gun, it was awesome until a neighbours cat set it off.....In South Africa a company came up with a anti carjack device, it was a flame thrower that came out of the sills !! again awesome but potentially fatal, it is on you tube.
Also on you tube, there are the porch pirate paint bombs etc. not sure if any of them are real, I can't find any 'how to's anywhere.
Anyhoo.. these are my thoughts at the moment.

Update on the little scrotes, they have gone 'no comment' denying everything, but there is enough on them to get them in court, see what happens....

Have you checked out the latest grinder resistant u-locks? I know they can still cut through a disc, or lift it into a van, but some of the bigger locks might pass over a front wheel and tyre to slow them down enough to get bored with process. I carry a litelock around for street parking, no issues so far.

Yes, I have played with all kinds of locks and chains. At the bike shop where I was the mot tester, we collected all sorts of interesting locks and chains, and tested them.
To be fair, most decent quality ones (expensive), hacksaws just bounce off , a lot held up to general big hammers and bars and blunt abuse, but the good quality angry grinder disc is another thing altogether! There are methods of use to keep the noise down too! Also, it is quite surprising how weedy some of the cheaper end are, some combination locks are easy to open if you have the touch, one of my apprentices really upset one of the reps! he undid them all. You must remember these thugs are not bothered at all if they damage your bike removing your security measures.

All these are just really an inconvenience, just to slow them down, a proper deterrent to make them think again is needed, Example;-
A friend of mine had problems with travellers going into his back yard and pinching things, he lived in a council house with a shared driveway going between two houses with a fence going right across with a gate on each side at the gable ends. the gate was about eye level, you had to stretch a bit to look over, he had flagstones on the other side to the end of the wall. On the gate he fitted a sign saying 'DANGEROUS DOG DO NOT ENTER' , if you looked over, there was a battered washing up bowl that looked like a crocodile had been playing with it, a 3/4" eye bolt in one of the flagstones, with a few yards of 3/8" chain attached to a big leather strap that was originally from a horses tack, BROKEN, it really concentrated your mind, he didn't have a dog really, but nothing else went missing.

Perhaps a sign fitted saying something like 'DANGER OF INJURY OR DEATH, PROACTIVE ANTI THEFT DEVICE FITTED'. assuming they can read English. combined with one of those alarms that talk to you like a Dalek, 'TOO CLOSE, STEP AWAY FROM THE VEHICLE' or similar.
Even better if a red dot could shine on them at the same time!

I've really got my thinking cap on, it seems we are on our own to protect our bikes all suggestions no matter how mad gratefully received, I'm sure we can come up with something.

I use a lot of Pragmasis gear, they make decent products. One of their big chains, anchor & anti pinch pin for the garage, a short 16mm chain for outside or a 13mm noose chain with one of their smaller DIB locks for easy portability on the FJR1300. I also really rate their 'roundlocks' which can double up as disc lock depending on the brake disc spacing. I know they shut down a few years but someone else has recently bought the business.
The litelock x1 goes everywhere with me under the seat of the Burgman.
I suppose you can only do so much. It really grates on me, I doubt mainland Europe have to put up with the theft epidemic we seem to experience here.

I see no reason why an electric shock couldn't be used, like an electric fence ( I know what they are like I've leaned against one more than once). My theory is if they break the law they are outside the law and it would be funny to see them jumping around
I was thinking about electrifing the handlebars but the seat would be better, fry their little testicles, making me smile thinking about it.

Infernal machines will get you sent to prison. Plod much prefers a victim he can have make an appointment at the station to nick rather than the naughty ones who run away and waste cake time, or use naughty words ☹

Avoid combination locks like the plague. Took me 5 minutes to learn how to pick one. Just slide a feeler like a strip of yoghurt pot down between each tumbler and feel for the flat spot.

Grinder proof D-lock through wheel and suspension here, plus disc lock the other end in the street (they cut the disc not the lock, so anything basically hammer proof is fine). Layer upon layer at home, huge chain, garage alarm, CCTV, friendly relations with the Albanian gangsters on the back....

Wouldn't involve West Yorkshire plod if I'd got Lord Lucan in a headlock and Starmer locked in the shed with the french crown jewels and a step ladder marked "propertie de louvre". Lazy, useless, more likely to nick me for naughty Twittering

Andy

There are some funny you tube videos of bicycles left as bait, when anyone sits on the saddle, the saddle slips down the tube allowing the pointy tip to go through with amusing effect.
Research carrying on.

Andy, South yorks police I fear are little better, though I must admit they did teach me how to ride a motorbike safely. Most of my working life I've used a bike for work but I've always been lucky that's there's always been a safe place to park it. At home it It would be very difficult for anybody to get near it